you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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