is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
