like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
