Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There was a lot of him and a little penis
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
