You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
