You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
