i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
