you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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