Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
