i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
