I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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