So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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