I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
