She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
