I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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