You just made me feel so damn special
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
