I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
