I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
