Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
