Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
