I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
