you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I cut my penus on the lid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
