So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Alive.
So much puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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