Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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