Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
