New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
