Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
