Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
