anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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