First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
