I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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