Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
