don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
