I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
