You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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