So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
