When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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