3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I am morally bankrupt
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
