wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
