I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
