When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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