Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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