There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
