last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
