Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
