I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Life is so much better after having sex.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
