She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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