I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i think my cat just said my name.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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