you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
