I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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