I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
