Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
