my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just invented taco cereal.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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