In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
