Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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