Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
