i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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