my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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