You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
