i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
