i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
