Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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