Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
