Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
