just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
