she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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