U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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