saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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