Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
