If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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