Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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