The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
