Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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