I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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