oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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