Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
