And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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