I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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